Sunday, September 21, 2014

Me today: Just another day?

We were in the car, my girls and I. An average Sunday. We were driving to church and out of the blue my oldest daughter said, "my friends brother is bi-polar." It was the opportunity I have been praying about for years; the day I would tell my girls one of my secrets. I replied, "so am I." My daughters were a bit surprised but in a curious way. They immediately understood the difference between someone who takes their medication and someone who doesn't. You see, their Dad is bi-polar too. He has a duel diagnosis. Bi-polar runs on both sides of the family. The difference is, I don't fit into the Bi-polar box. I don't have extreme highs although I've had a couple over the years.I have more lows then highs and I don't drink and go on spending sprees. I have two children. I'm a single mom and I go to school full time. I work. I've owned a business. I'm currently helping a friend get her business of the ground. I'm as normal as we know normal to be.

I'm writing  a book. It's in the editing process. Thoughts haunt me that I shouldn't publish it
because I am not a professional writer. If I believed those lies that haunt me, then all of my Bi-polar friends would be missing out. They may feel alone, afraid of who they are or what they will become. You see, several of my Bi-polar friends are young. My book is for the lost, the believer who may judge and for those young friends.It's for Bi-polar believers and non believers as well. I'm openly sharing my journey. The good, the bad and the ugly. It's my journey and there is nothing to fear. I'm not afraid of being Bi-polar and I'm not afraid of you knowing my secrets. A friend once told me, "we are as sick as our secrets." I guess writing my story makes me one well person. `

Saturday, May 24, 2014

My new favorite song...i'm finding joy

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Me. Today Seeking Joy

I came off of a was hectic,I finished my field practicum hours at NAMI and my typical single mom schedule and daily life kept me busy. School is taking everything I have at this point and writing on my blog comes in last place. Sadly, I love writing here. I need this to be my escape. I was asked recently how my book was coming along. It is on hold until my two month break in October where I can take a mental break from school and relax into the writing of " Crazy Happens on the Road that leads Home" It's funny. I want to forget the dream of publishing a book. Really who is going to read a book from an unknown author except my family and friends? Well, my therapist and all of the therapists in her office said they would buy a copy....she said my story was inspirational. hmmm. It's not about money or sales or I wouldn't even think about writing. It's for me and the few it may help. It's about a girl with faith of a mustard seed who has a dream. She is Bipolar. A Bipolar Believer. It will confuse theologians and hopefully give hope to those that struggle as I do. A girl with a Christian faith who no matter what she does, finds herself in darkness with the lows and the light of emotional highs. It's confusing to me. But it's me.

Today, I'm seeking joy. I will rest knowing that my faith says there is nothing I can do to make Him love me any more than He already does. I need to re-discover that joy. Today, I'm seeking joy in the midst of the emotional chaos.

If you relate, don't give up.